Morning Words

Here, the unedited words, thoughts, emotions that filled my morning as I woke to the sounds of the seagulls. Their calling a little later today than previous as our days on Vancouver Island begin to shorter, the sun lightens, and the clouds create a magical and forever changing scene.

I lie in bed, sprawled.

My  flat sheet bunched together at the foot of my bed,

my feet tucked beneath.

A gifted blanket that was meant for warmth

meant to embrace my body as I felt the weight of the world

rests across my core.

My head on a pillow

one so firm, as though my brain desires eternal support.

One last layer of protection spans across the ambit of my bed.

I succumb to the weight of my duvet,

a blanket that has protected me for over a decade.

Within all the comfort:

my fingers tingle, my palms perspire,

my legs twitch, my feet freeze.

The breathe that once calmed me

begins to accelerate,

my heart races, my eyes water. 

I am terrified,

for saying goodbye too drastic.

I am cautious, 

for saying speak soon too false.

We once shared dinners

strolled the hills

and confided in one another.

It felt too good, I was sure.

Yet, I allowed you to own a piece of my heart.

I shared my deepest moments

left my resistance behind

and broke down walls. 

Each new moment like a fairytale. 

You showed care, love.

You allowed me to be authentically me.

And you guided me

to be the best me.

For this, you will always maintain a hold of my heart. 

But today, today I take back my soul.

Distance makes you fonder, I was told.

Yet, distance only made me stronger,

fonder of my soul.

I do not say goodbye,

I simply wish you well.

I do not say speak soon,

I honour your new sounding board.

But I do free myself to be me

the me you inspired me to be.

My body lies in corpse pose

a pose I’m partial to,

for it requirs stillness, calm and tranquility.

I, by nature

fidget, squirm and tremble.

My body now rests knowing that freeing me

means freeing you. 

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