Here, the unedited words, thoughts, emotions that filled my morning as I woke to the sounds of the seagulls. Their calling a little later today than previous as our days on Vancouver Island begin to shorter, the sun lightens, and the clouds create a magical and forever changing scene.
I lie in bed, sprawled.
My flat sheet bunched together at the foot of my bed,
my feet tucked beneath.
A gifted blanket that was meant for warmth
meant to embrace my body as I felt the weight of the world
rests across my core.
My head on a pillow
one so firm, as though my brain desires eternal support.
One last layer of protection spans across the ambit of my bed.
I succumb to the weight of my duvet,
a blanket that has protected me for over a decade.
Within all the comfort:
my fingers tingle, my palms perspire,
my legs twitch, my feet freeze.
The breathe that once calmed me
begins to accelerate,
my heart races, my eyes water.
I am terrified,
for saying goodbye too drastic.
I am cautious,
for saying speak soon too false.
We once shared dinners
strolled the hills
and confided in one another.
It felt too good, I was sure.
Yet, I allowed you to own a piece of my heart.
I shared my deepest moments
left my resistance behind
and broke down walls.
Each new moment like a fairytale.
You showed care, love.
You allowed me to be authentically me.
And you guided me
to be the best me.
For this, you will always maintain a hold of my heart.
But today, today I take back my soul.
Distance makes you fonder, I was told.
Yet, distance only made me stronger,
fonder of my soul.
I do not say goodbye,
I simply wish you well.
I do not say speak soon,
I honour your new sounding board.
But I do free myself to be me
the me you inspired me to be.
My body lies in corpse pose
a pose I’m partial to,
for it requirs stillness, calm and tranquility.
I, by nature
fidget, squirm and tremble.
My body now rests knowing that freeing me
means freeing you.